If Men Could Menstruate - Hindi

 Here is the Hindi translation of the previous piece, done with a lot of effort by Sonika Thakur!

अगर पुरुषों को माहवारी होती तो क्या होता

महिला 1: क्या आपने कभी सोचा है कि अगर पुरुषों को माहवारी होती तो क्या होता?

महिला 2: एक मिनट.... माहवारी! माहवारी तो महामारी की तरह सुनाई देता है,जैसे कि कोई बीमारी हो।

महिला 1: हाँ सच में! मैं कह रही थी कि अगर अचानक कोई जादू हो जाए और माहवारी महिलाओं की बजाये पुरुषों को आने लगे तो?

महिला 2: तब तो माहवारी बेशक एक बहुत ही आकर्षक, मर्दाना, गर्व करने वाली चीज़ बन जायेगी।

महिला 3: हां! पुरुष इस बात पर डींगें हांकेंगे कि उनके पीरियड कितने लम्बे और कितने ज़्यादा चले।

महिला 4: माहवारी का शुरू होना मर्दानगी का सबूत माना जाएगा। लड़के इसे धार्मिक रिवाज़ों और स्टैग पार्टी के रूप में मनाएंगे।

महिला 5: और सेनेटरी पैड्स की तो बात ही मत पूछो! सारे सेनेटरी प्रोडक्ट्स सरकार द्वारा मुफ्त में दिए जायेंगे या टैक्स फ्री होंगे। और पुरुष उन्हें अखबार में छिपा कर तो बिल्कुल नहीं ले जायेंगे!

महिला 6: और न ही काले प्लास्टिक के थैलों में!

महिला 6: दवाइयों की दुकानों पर हे भाई -पैड्स और यारों का यार टेम्पोंस भरे दिखेंगे! आदमियों के लिए कोई “व्हिस्पर” नहीं होगा!

महिला 1: न ही केयरफ्री! न सोफी! न परी!

महिला 2: गलियों के लड़के शेखी बघारेंगे कि, “मैं तो तीन पैड वाला आदमी हूँ।“

महिला 3: अगर उन्हें कोई कहे, “भाई, तुम आज बहुत अच्छे लग रहे हो!” तो वह हाई-फाइव करते हुए कहेंगे........

महिला 2: “हां, भाई, क्यों नहीं, माहवारी का समय जो है! इसी से तो चेहरे पे चमक आती है!” वे यह कह के कभी नहीं छुपाएंगे कि “मैं डाउन हूं” या “महीने का वह समय है!”

महिला 4: अखबारों में ऐसी सुर्खियां होंगी --- “माहवारी वाले पुरुषों में शार्क के हमले का खतरा!” या “जज ने बलात्कारी को मासिक तनाव का हवाला दे कर छोड़ दिया!”

महिला 5: और फिल्मों में क्या होगा ----"खून का रिश्ता” और “ख़ूनी भाई” फिर से सुपरहिट शीर्षक बन जायेंगे! और हीरो होंगे ---- टाइगर श्रॉफ और वरुण धवन!

महिला 6: और सोचिए, पुरुष क्या हर महीने पेट में मरोड़े झेलेंगे? सरकार तो उनके लिए पीरियड का दर्द मिटाने के लिए राष्ट्रीय “दर्द मिटाओ दर्द हटाओ” संस्थान खोल देगी!

महिला 1: बिल्कुल! मेडिकल समुदाय “मेल प्री मेंस्ट्रूअल सिंड्रोम (M-PMS)” पर रिसर्च शुरू कर देगा और बड़े-बड़े इलाज निकाल लेगा।

महिला 2: मुझे तो एक सपोर्ट ग्रुप भी दिख रहा है “माहवारी के मारे मर्द - एम् एम् एम्!”

महिला 3: और देखना! माहवारी की छुट्टी सभी संस्थानों में अनिवार्य हो जायेगी।

महिला 4: और निश्चित तौर पर माहवारी से पीड़ित मर्दों को जल्दी छुट्टी दे दी जायेगी! बेचारे इतनी तकलीफ में कैसे काम करेंगे?

महिला 5: अच्छा! तब शायद महिलायें धार्मिक संस्थानों और सेना में मर्दों से बड़ा योगदान देंगी। क्योंकि उन्हें माहवारी नहीं आएगी!

महिला 6: इसका बिलकुल उल्टा होगा, जानेमन! सेना के आदमी यह ज़ोर देंगे कि पुरुष ही सेना में रह सकते हैं, क्योंकि वे “खून देने” के आदी हैं। वे हीरो होंगे क्योंकि वे हर महीने खून बहाते हैं और दर्द सहते हैं।

महिला 1: धार्मिक कट्टरपंथी कहेंगे कि महिलायें अपवित्र हैं क्योंकि वे हर महीने अपनी अशुद्धियाँ नहीं निकालतीं।

महिला 5: हद्द हो गई यह तो! क्या ये वही चीज़ें नहीं हैं जो वे कहते हैं कि हम महिलायें माहवारी की वजह से नहीं कर सकतीं? यह क्या बात हुई।

महिला 6: बस यही तो बात है। इसमें माहवारी का कोई लेना देना नहीं है। असली मुद्दा तो यह है कि समाज में ज़्यादा ताकतवर कौन है।

महिला 1: अगर माहवारी ताकतवरों को आने लगे, तो माहवारी अचानक एक पॉज़िटिव चीज़ बन जाएगी। तर्क या लॉजिक से इसका कोई लेना देना नहीं है।

महिला 5: तर्क से इसका कोई लेना देना नहीं है?

महिला 2: हाँ, तर्क से इसका कोई लेना देना नहीं है? जैसे कि गोरे लोगों ने सब को विश्वास दिला दिया है कि उनकी गोरी त्वचा उन्हें बाकियों से श्रेष्ठ बनाती है। जबकि वास्तव में गोरी त्वचा….

महिला 3: …. उन्हें यू वी किरणों के प्रति ज़्यादा सेंसिटिव बनाती है और झुर्रियों का कारण बनती हैं। मतलब कि कोई भी गुण सिर्फ इसलिए ज़्यादा मांग में होता है क्योंकि वह ताकतवरों का चिन्ह होता है।

महिला 5: तो तुम यह कह रही हो कि अगर माहवारी महिलाओं की बजाये पुरुषों को आना

शुरू हो जाए, तब भी महिलाओं कि लिए कुछ नहीं बदलेगा। है ना!

महिला 4: बदलेगा!

(सभी औरतें कहेंगी “क्या”?)

महिला 4: यही..… कि हमें अपने बेचारे माहवारी वाले भाइयों, बेटों और पतियों की और ज़्यादा सेवा करनी पड़ेगी!

 

If Men Could Menstruate (English)

If Men Could Menstruate

(6 actors standing facing the audience. While talking they do look at each other and laugh when called for, but their focus is on the audience.)

Woman 1: Have you ever thought what would happen if men could menstruate?

Woman 2: Wait a minute…Menstruate! Why is it called menstruation? Shouldn’t it be “womenstruation”?

All shrug and shake their heads.

Woman 1: I was saying, what if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not?

Woman 2: Of course, then menstruation would become a desirable, masculine event.

Woman 3: Yes! Men would brag about how long and how much.

Woman 4: The onset of periods would be a proof of manhood. Boys would mark it with religious rituals and stag parties.

Woman 5: Let’s not forget sanitary supplies, ladies! All sanitary supplies would be government funded or at least tax-free. And men certainly wouldn’t be hiding them in newspapers!  

Woman 6: Or black plastic bags!

(All look at each other knowingly and laugh!)

Woman 6: Pharmacies will be filled with Man-pads and Bro-tampons! No “Whisper” for them!

Woman 1 (shrugging delicately): Or Carefree! Or Sofy! Or Paree!

Woman 2: Street guys would brag “I’m a three-pad man. “

Woman 3: If someone said to them “Man, you lookin’ good!”, they would give high fives and say…(Woman 2 and 3 high five at the right time.)

Woman 2: “Yeah, man, it’s period time!” They certainly wouldn’t be using euphemisms like “I’m down” or “It’s that time of the month!”.

Everyone looks at each other and nods!

Woman 4: Newspapers would carry such healines- “SHARK-SCARE THREATENS MENSTRUATING MEN”. Or “JUDGE PARDONS RAPIST, CITING MONTHLY STRESS.”

Woman 5: And what about movies- “Khoon ka Rishta” and “Blood Brothers” would become popular movie titles once again! Starring…Tiger and Varun!

Woman 6: And can you imagine men suffering cramps every month? I bet the Government would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to stamp out period pain!

Woman 1: Absolutely! The medical community would probably start studying “Male Premenstrual Syndrome (M-PMS)” and come up with all sorts of fancy treatments.

Woman 2: I can see a support group called “Menstrual Men Mm-anonymous- Em Em Em!”

Everyone laughs!

Woman 3: And lo and behold- menstruation leave would be compulsory in all organizations.

Woman 4: And surely, there would be flexible work hours for menstruating men! How can the poor men work in such discomfort?

Woman 5: Okay, maybe then, women will play a bigger role than men in religious organizations and military, because they do not menstruate!

Woman 6: Quite the opposite, my dear! Military men would insist that only men could serve in the Army because they are used to “giving” blood. They would be heroes because they bleed and suffer pain on a monthly basis.

Woman 1: Religious fundamentalists will insist women are impure because they do NOT get rid of their impurities every month! (Said with an eye roll.)

Woman 5: I don’t get it. Aren’t these the very things they say women CANNOT do because they menstruate?

Woman 6: That’s exactly the point. It’s got nothing to do with menstruation per se and everything to do with who is stronger in society.

Woman 1: If menstruation becomes the attribute of the strong, it would suddenly become a positive thing. Logic has nothing to do with it!

Woman 5: Logic has nothing to do with it?

Woman 2: Yes, logic has nothing to do with it. Just as white people have made everyone think that their white skin makes them superior. Actually, the only thing white skin really does is…

Woman 3: …make them more sensitive to UV rays and to wrinkles. You see, an attribute becomes coveted just because it is the attribute of the powerful.

Woman 5: So, what you are saying is, even if menstruation moves to men, nothing will really change for us women, is it!

(Everyone shakes their heads)

Woman 4: Well, something will. Think of all the extra caregiving we will have to do for our poor menstruating brothers, sons and husbands!

Everyone shows frustration! 

I wrote this piece for my FiRST PiCk theatre group, who performed it twice in 2025. It was performed twice again by my Nishtha Sponsorship students in front of an audience of Nishtha funders, supporters and well wishers. 

The piece is derived from a satirical essay written by Gloria Steinem in 1978. I repurposed it as a dialog and Indianized it. You can read the original essay here. 

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/23293691.2019.1619050

Play- The Red Jacket

I recently converted a children's story I had written last year into a play for young kids. Many things need to be done to convert a story into a play that actors can enact out. Several characters had to be added so that more children could be part of the play. Each character had to have at least a few lines. Each character also had to be given a certain characteristics (pun unintended), such as class clown or empathetic friend. Their lines had to be in line with their characteristics. The key players (mother and Anya) also had to be fleshed out more. Finally, not everything could be converted into dialog, so I had to introduce a Narrator to hold the story together. 

The Red Jacket

Narrator, Anya, Raghav, Shreya, Palak, Mother, Father (only voice)

Scene 1: Narrator, Anya, Mother

Narrator: This is a story of a young girl, Anya. Look at her. Doesn’t she look very pretty in her red jacket? Her favourite uncle had gifted it to her just last week. She loves it so much! So much, that she wears it every day!

Mother: Anya, take off the jacket. It will get dirty. You should wear it when winter sets in properly.

Anya: But mom, what if I…

Mother: No ifs and buts! Take it off now.

Narrator: Do you think Anya took off her jacket? Uh-uh! She kept it on. It was Diwali, and she wanted to look special.

Scene 2: Narrator, Anya, Raghav, Palak, Shreya

Narrator: All the children had gathered in the town park. They played with colourful sparklers, writing their names in the air, and burst noisy crackers. There was so much fun to be had that evening!

(Children playing around the narrrator, bursting crackers and lighting sparklers.)

Raghav: Hey Anya, what is that on your jacket?

Anya: What?

Palak: Is that a hole? Oh no!

Anya (turning around to see): A hole? Where? Where?

Shreya (Pointing to the pocket): There! Could be that sparkler you were holding burnt that hole!

Anya: No, no, no! How could this happen! It’s my favourite jacket. It’s ruined now!

Raghav: It’s just a hole. What’s the big deal! My shirt has so many holes.

Anya:  Oh no! Mummy will get so mad. She had asked me not to wear it today. I should have listened to her and put it away in the cupboard. Oh, what will I do now? I am in big trouble! (Starts crying)

Raghav: Stop crying. It’s not such a big deal.

Palak: Maybe not for you, Raghav. But it’s her favourite jacket. Oh Anya! (Hugging Anya)

Shreya: Don't cry Anya. You said aunty asked you to keep it away. That’s what you should do. Just put it away. Nobody will know.

Palak: Except you!

Raghav (looking at Anya naughtily): And me!

(Everyone looks angrily at Raghav)

Narrator: When Anya got home, the only question in her mind was where to hide the ruined jacket. She had to hide it someplace no one would know. Not the cupboard certainly. Then where? Aah! Under her mattress!

Scene 3: Narrator, Anya, Mother, Father’s voice

Narrator: A month had passed. Anya’s uncle was back in town and the family was going to his house to meet him.

Mother: Anya, wear the red jacket today. Your uncle will be so happy to see you in it.

Anya (saying half-heartedly): Okay, sure. 

(Looks at the audience and makes a sad face and gestures "what to do" with her hands. Then, pretends to look for it in the cupboard). 

Anya: I can’t find it. I don’t know where it is, mummy.

Mother: Have you looked in your cupboard? Don't make me come there and look for it! 

Father’s voice: Everyone, out! Let’s go. We are already late.

Scene 4: Narrator, Anya, Mother

Narrator: Anya thought she had gotten away because everyone was in a hurry. She thought the jacket was forgotten. But her mother had not forgotten. The next day, she called Anya to her room.

Mother: Anya, have you given your red jacket to one of your friends? Tell me honestly!

Anya: What? No! I had kept it in my cupboard when you asked me to put it away.

Mother: It’s not in your cupboard. I checked. Where IS it?

Anya: I don’t know. I can’t find it.

Mother: Then surely you have given it to Palak or Shreya, haven’t you?

Anya: No, I would never do that. That’s my favourite jacket. I would never give away something Arun Uncle gifted me!

Mother: Listen! Either you have it somewhere, or you have given it away. So, which one is it?

(Anya looks very sad. She pulls out the red jacket from under her mattress and brings it to her mother.)

Mother (looking at the hole and feeling it with her fingers): Hmm…so that’s what happened!

Scene 5: Narrator, Anya, Mother, Palak, Shreya, Raghav

Narrator: Anya had expected to be scolded about the dreadful hole, maybe even punished in some way, but to her surprise, nothing of that sort happened. A couple of days later…

Mother: Anya, come here dear.

(Anya comes in, looking sheepish.)

Mother: Here. Here’s your jacket. Put it on.

Narrator: Why is her mother asking her to wear the jacket with a hole? Oh! Where is the hole? Where there was a hole earlier is now an attractive red and yellow flower. The red jacket looks even prettier than before. 

Anya (hugging her mother): Wow! The flower is so pretty! No one can tell there was a hole here. The jacket looks as good as new! Thank you mummy. Thank you, thank you!

(Anya puts on her jacket.)

Narrator: Now, some of you may think this story is about how bad lying to your parents is. But actually, it is about so much more. What do you say kids?

Palak: Sometimes grown-ups have solutions that we children can’t think of.

Shreya: Sometimes, by lying, we lose all the help we could have got just because we were too afraid to tell the truth.

Raghav: And sometimes, it’s okay to have some holes in your clothes!