My Lifeblood

I close the doors behind me
and lock them.
then flinging the key away in the dark
run far and fast...
I build walls skillfully
tall, thick, impervious
then hide behind them, breathing deeply, but quietly
stifling any sounds of pain...
I have nearly perfected the art of running away from you.
The secret, if you must know, is in killing the dreams.

Then one weak easterly wind
brings the walls, so painstakingly built
come crashing down behind me.
The vast distances vanish
The doors swing open
And I stand exposed
Ashamed
Elevated!
Transformed into who I really am,
Afraid of who you really are.

I tell you, without much hesitation

(though no longer as carelessly as before)

Of the pain I feel

And of the love I hide

And watch you wade through the clever swamp

Of my words

Testing

Testing...

You dare not read too much into my words, lest they mean something.

I dare not look too deeply into your eyes, lest I see nothing. 

You and I, 

We are caught in a fake relationship

A relationship 

that protects you from the truth

A relationship
that gags me and makes me ashamed of the truth

That you are my lifeblood...

That you are my life.