Gene Therapy!

We just returned from Amritsar this morning where mommy had gone to give a talk on Nature versus Nurture in a genetic engineering conference. 

Later this morning, I decided to wash Aloka's hair, an event that truly tests my patience and good cheer. She complains about everything, the water temperature, the shampoo in her eyes, the cold air in the bathroom, the choice of clothes, the hot air of the hair dryer, just about everything.

So, when she actually showed signs of cooperating while I dried her hair, I was spurred into saying how lovely her hair were and what fun it is for me to dry and comb them. I also added that I wished we could stop fighting about such issues and enjoy the whole process.

She was quiet for a while and then asked if Atreya also fought with me when I used to bathe him. Of course not, I said, he never fought with me on such issues. She said that he didn't fight with you because perhaps you, mom, didn't fight either. For a moment I thought she meant that I was more patient with him, but I asked her to explain. And then she says Atreya didn't fight with me because perhaps he was similar to me when I was a young child (she knows that I was a very pliant kid).

Intrigued, I asked her why that didn't hold for her? Why was she not similar to me as well? Her response floored me. She said that perhaps her Sunita mummy fought with her mother and that's why Aloka fights with me!

This little girl is talking genetics with me! 

We never spoke about her grandmother's presentation on genes to her, but perhaps she had been listening in to my discussions with mommy as I helped pretty up her presentation last week. It is hard to believe, but what else could trigger this thought in her?

I hugged my little child and told her she is as much my child as Atreya and everything that goes on between her and me is between this mother and this daughter. I take responsibility for everything and will not hold Sunita mummy responsible for anything. If we fight, it is solely our problem to deal with, and if we enjoy our togetherness, it is purely our joy. 

There are people who are skeptical of my openness about adoption, but I am telling you, openness that leads to such edgy conversations is way better than the pseudo safety of lies. It is scary, but it is elevating and enriching. 

The Letter from Canada!

I received a birthday card from my mother's brother, Sushil mama, a couple of days after my birthday. It came all the way from Canada, and what a way!

Take a look at the address. The colony Himachal Vikas Pradhikaran doesn't exist, the village Sidhpur is some 3 km away from our village and the pin code is incorrect too. It doesn't even say Dharamshala or Kangra. Just HP! 

How did you conjure up this address Sushil mama! It is a beautiful lie! 

The fact that it reached our side of HP is surprising enough. Is there no other Sidhpur in the entire Himachal Pradesh? 

Once there, the only reason his card made its way to our house is because my mother is so well known in the village and nearby areas. The postal guys recognized her name and corrected the address. Can you imagine this happening in any other place?

This is one of the truest pleasures (and surprises) of living in a small town!!!

Translation: Mere Hum-Nafas by Shakeel Badayuni

There are songs in Urdu and Punjabi that I don't fully understand, but fall in love with them regardless. Not satisfied by just loving them, I spend days trying to understand them fully- it becomes like a challenge. And when I finally get them fully, I want to translate them into the language I know best- English. So, here is the result of one such challenge. The translation is nothing great as compared to the beauty of the original Urdu ghazal, but I think it is good enough to send to my unrequited love!

Mere hum-nafas, mere hum-navaa, mujhe dost banake daGaa na de

mai.n huu.N dard-e-ishq se jaa.N_valab, mujhe zindagii kii duaa na de

Your counting me as a friend, when I consider you my life itself, feels nothing short of a betrayal

This love has brought me to the brink of a beautiful death, don't, oh please don't pray that I stay well. 

Mere daaG-e-dil se hai raushnii, usii raushnii se hai zindagii

mujhe Dar hai aye mere chaaraagar, ye charaaG tuu hii bujhaa na de

It's true that my heart burns, but the light of my burning heart is the only light I know

I am afraid that your kindness may put it out and shroud my world in a dark shadow. 

Mujhe ae chho.D de mere haal par, teraa kyaa bharosaa hai chaaraagar

ye terii nawaazishe muKhtasar, meraa dard aur ba.Daa na de

Leave me to my plight, please, I don't trust your offer of healing

Who knows your cursory sympathy might just increase my suffering. 

Meraa azm itnaa bala.nd hai ke paraaye sholo.n kaa Dar nahii.n

mujhe Khauf aatish-e-gul se hai, ye kahii.n chaman ko jalaa na de

My resolve is very strong, I don't for a moment fear the intentions of an enemy from outside

But I am terrified that my garden will burn to ground by the indifference of the beloved inside.  

Wo uThe hai.n leke khum-o-subuu, arey o ‘Shakeel’ kahaa.N hai tuu

teraa jaam lene ko bazm me.n koii aur haath ba.Daa na de

She (he) has arisen with a filled glass in her (his) hands, where are you oh Shakeel?

Come quick before someone else raises their hand to accept this coveted offering. 

Listen to this beauty here: Begum Akhtar singing this ghazal 

I took some help from this site to understand some tough words: 
https://ekfankaar.wordpress.com/2009/04/11/mere-ham-nafas-mere-ham-navaa/

Like Termites on a Wooden Door

Sometimes, it occurs to me that all this political drama, all our social evils, this patriarchy, this meanness in people, this violence, this exploitation of the weak, these tactics of the power drunk folks - basically all the stuff that gets me worked up and my blood boiling - all this stuff is meaningless as compared to what we as humans are doing to this Earth. 

Really, all that we do to each other is nothing as compared to what we do our planet. Our very existence is the bane of this Earth. 

Nothing we do is of any use to this planet. Nothing. Everything we do destroys it in some way. Everything!

Not even our shit is of any use to this planet, because it is too much and full of poison that we have created and consumed. Hard to believe such a species can exist, which is at one fully exploitative and totally useless. And totally self-absorbed. 

Most evolved...did I hear someone say? Indeed! 

I won't have it any other way!

The other day, I was invited to judge a fancy dress competition for nursery kids at Aloka's school. The fancy dress show had several intervals in between, during which older kids came on to the stage to present songs and dances. Aloka participated in two songs, one at the start and one right at the end.

Because I was the judge, I had a seat right in front. Aloka saw me as she climbed up the stage, but unlike other kids who smiled or waved (or cried) at seeing their parents, she looked through me. This despite my grinning at her. All through the song, she refused to make eye contact. She sang the song without a miss but her eyes were averted. To anyone watching her, she would appear shy and withdrawn and perhaps even timid, and a couple of people did comment along those lines.

When I asked Aloka why she was too shy to look at me, her answer was unexpectedly straightforward. Unlike her usual distracted self, she said very calmly and clearly "I was not shy. I was serious. I wanted to sing my song seriously." That's a response of a clear-headed strong young girl, not of a shy or timid person.

Basically, my little girl is a bundle of contradictions. You never know what to expect from her at any moment.

There are days she is smooth as cream, doing everything as needed to get to school in time- which includes getting up when asked, brushing her teeth, bathing, changing, eating breakfast, getting her hair done and setting her school bag. And then there are days when everything is a battle and requires repeated warnings and a whole lot of frustration for me.

There are days when I can't get anything out of her when she is back from school. Her response to my standard question about the high point of the day is at best "lunch was great", and that for the low point no more than "Ayushi was absent". And then there are days when she starts chattering about what happened in the school even before she gets in the car and continues to repeat everything to her nani at home.

There are days when I find it hard to get a genuine hug from her despite cajoling. Her body is like a rock that you can't envelope properly. And then there are days when she won't stop kissing me and her nani till our cheeks hurt.

There are times when she is happy to be on her own, watching her TV shows or doing her squiggly messy drawings. And then there are times when she wants my attention 100%, and nothing less will do.

There are times when I can't get her to pay attention to what I am saying. I have to repeatedly ask her to focus and repeat what I just told her. And then there are days, like yesterday, when she listens to me spellbound, her eyes wide open and her little hand squeezing mine every now and then to let me know that she is getting me.

That I never know what to expect from her makes her a constant mystery to me. That she is unpredictable, unlike my son when he was her age (and I think unlike me when I was her age), makes being her mother a challenge for me. A fun-filled challenge. Mostly.

I simply love this bundle of contradictions. She fills our lives with fun and excitement and laughter and growth and introspection...and forces me to be a better person that I am. And no sir, thank you, I won't have it any other way! 

What kind of a species are we?

I see shows and read about bees and otters and marvel at their amazing social constructs. If someone were to study us, what would they make of us? That this species thrived by controlling and subjugating one half of its population, and where that didn't work, by objectifying them and making them believe they are good only to titillate the other half? Sick or what?

I am a human being. Before I am a woman, I am a human being. I have a wonderful brain and a wonderful heart. I can contribute to this world as much as any man I have known. When you partner with me in any enterprise, I bring in my best and offer perspectives no man can think of on his own, and my mind is open enough to learn from you too where needed. I am a body too, just like you are. No less, no more. 

I don't exist to please men. I exist because I am alive and am a human being. I am half of the human population for heaven's sake! Except of course where the ratio has been skewed by murder. We were meant to live together and exist together as partners in every way. By quashing my identity, you do yourself great harm and live a half life yourself. 

Yes, I am hard to please, in bed or out of it. I need a lot more than two minutes of a roll in the hay to be satisfied. I can sense goodness and evil before it becomes evident. Yes, that makes me a pain in the ass if all you want is your quickie or have lots of bad stuff to hide. Deal with it like a human being. Not like a brute. It will only make you a better person to do so. 

Don't be scared of me. Because that's what it all boils down to. 

Wisdom on the road!

I am fascinated by stickers and messages painted on cars and trucks in my little town. As soon as I spot one, I ask my driver Sanju to follow the vehicle and go slow enough for me to take a picture. Slowing down is against Sanju's grain, but he grits his teeth and does it.

Not successful in getting a clear shot each time, here is my collection of words of wisdom found on Himachal roads! Click each picture for a bigger view.

Spotted in Tapovan. This guy surely wasted time getting this painted!

Spotted in Spiti. From a heartbroken Romeo- No girl friend tension. Avoid girls.

Spotted in Dharamshala city. Envy in installments! 

Spotted in Fatehpur. At least 3 ways to read it- Ruck fules, fuck the darn rules, or fuck always rules!

Spotted in Dharamshala city. Poetry on the road- My truck is my bride! 

Spotted in Khanyara. Height of narcissism! Don't think I can fall in love with this one even if I see it a hundred times. Reminds me of a certain PM!

Spotted on the way to McLeodganj. Quite a wise man- knows that tension will last until his last breath! But wait, he also believes in love ( 143=I love you)!

I quite agree! Spotted in Mohli. 

Spotted on the way to Palampur. Clear instructions Terrible spellings! (No compromise, no report, decision on the spot)

Spotted in Spiti. This poor speller tough guy (Word's Toughest Trucker) just realized he is in love and is shit scared (Oh shit I am in love)! 

 Finally, to all of you on Facebook, the 11th commandment! Spotted in Rakkar.