Friday, January 21, 2011

The Difference

Once, because someone asked me, I sat down and thought about the difference in my feelings for Atreya and Aloka. Do I treat one differently than the other, do I feel closer to one than the other...etc.

To find the absolute truth, I "tatollo'd" my heart, lifting the layers of emotions and peeping deep inside. I tried hard to recall the time when Atreya was a baby and a toddler. I examined my reactions to them when I come home from work. I reflected on my behaviour towards them on a particularly tough day and a good one. I asked myself if I am as forgiving of Aloka's mistakes as I am of Atreya's.

The answer. Of course I treat them differently- after all one is a super interesting communicative extremely loving teenager and the other is a super interesting communicative, not so demonstrative, crazy toddler. They need and ask for different types of interactions from me and get it. Atreya gets lectures and heart-to-heart sharings and Aloka gets stories and lessons hidden in them (and lots of stolen hugs and kisses). About what kind of mother I was when Atta was young, it is a factor of the type of person I was 16-17 years ago. Not the same.

Beyond these operational and tactical differences, Aloka and Atreya are both equally my children. We are bonded together not by circumstances of this life, but of countless lives before this one. Even examining the differences seems like a disservice to this bond. We are together because we owed each other and had to love each other and take care of each other to even it out or to perpetuate this love.

Blood may be thicker than water in this lifetime, but across lifetimes, it is insignificant.

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