These last few weeks have been like purgatory. I have burned and burned. Yet, if I try to talk about what I am going through, my words belittle and trivialize the issues. Words also sound different depending on who I speak with. Sometime, they sound diffident, sometime irrational, sometime fanatic, and often confused. My words, friends for so long, are my adversaries now. I had rather keep quiet than face the uncertainty and disappointment of hearing myself speak.