It is you!

In everything I do
It is you.

My mind is like a butterfly
that wanders off at the slightest pretext
To sit by your window
And gaze at you.

It goes where you go
It stops where you stop
It can't rest
Anywhere but with you.

In the mornings when I wake
All day in its busyness
In the nights when I sleep
It is with you.

In the joy that elevates me
In the things that inspire me
In the gut-wrenching pain that I feel
It is enjoined with you.

In the words I write
In the poems I read
In the thoughts I think
There are hues of you.

In my few good actions
In my many vices
In my myriad roles
It is mindful of you.

In my viscous dreams
In my powdery reality
And in everything in between
It is of you.

In everything I am
It is you, only you. 

Reflected Glory!

They say the best thing about having biological children is seeing your (and your spouse's) reflection in them. I say it is peanuts as compared to the sheer surprise and joy of discovering a special talent in your adopted child.

Here is my darling girl, who learned to sing the sargam just yesterday, and progressed to this today. I can't stop listening to her!

Mornings and Evenings

I had written this poem in Nov 1997 when mom and dad had moved to Dharamshala, and I was still living in Delhi. Mom had saved the printout of the poem for the last 18 years and showed it to me just a couple of days back (I had never bothered to keep a copy for myself).

Reproducing it here as it is, spacing problems and all included. It's quite likely that I gave her a handwritten note, which she typed later.

Jadon Tak Hai- Translation

I have recently been introduced to Punjabi songs by my friends in Himachal, a first for me despite having lived in Delhi for a long time. This song penned by S.M. Sadiq and sung by Nachhattar Gill captured my heart the very first time I heard it last year. I have heard it countless times since then and it never fails to move me. Part of the reason is that it is one of those unusual Punjabi songs where a man expresses his feelings like this- usually such emotions are reserved for women. Other reasons are Gill's soulful voice and the great music. I don't care much for the video, but it is way better than other Punjabi music videos that spoil the beauty of the song.

Here are the original lyrics, followed by my translation. It was a tough job, because English just doesn't have the words for some of the heart wrenching phrases used in this song, such as hunjhuan di mehfil, russadi rawin, manaunda rawanga, naaz uthaunda, udeekan di sooli. Enjoy!

Jadon tak eh akhiyaan ch paani oh sajjna, 

Main hanjhuan di mehfil sajaunda rawanga!
Main samjhanga ehnu naseeban da likheya,
Tuun russadi rawin te main manaunda rawanga!

Wafawan de badle tunn de mainu dukhde, 

Main aashiq haan eho taqdeer meri.
Mainu es duniya di parwah ni koi,
Main naaz tere uthaunda rawanga!

Udeekan di sooli tuun tangeya eh mainu, 

Main si v nai karni aazma lai sajjna!
Tuun aawein ya na aawein marzi eh teri,
Main raawan ch akhiyan ch vichaunda rawanga!

Main ohna thaawan nu  bhull te nai sakda, 

Sadiq asin jithe milde saan dowein!
Ohna rukhan di chhaan thalle baith ke,
Main mohabbat di barsi manaunda rawanga!

Jadon tak eh akhiyaan ch paani
Main hanjhuan di mehfil sajaunda rawanga!
Main samjhanga ehnu naseeban da likheya,
Tuun russadi rawin te main manaunda rawanga! 

As long as my eyes are able to shed tears darling

I will not stop crying for you, believe me,

I accept it as my fate to keep trying to coax you endlessly

Even as you stay upset with me. 

In return of my love, you have given me nothing but pain

But isn't that the rightful fate of a lover?

I don't care for what this world thinks of me

I will keep showering my love on you forever.  

You have me hanging on the cliff of endless waiting

But I won't complain, test me all you want,

These untiring eyes will continue to search for you

Whether you choose to come to me or not.

Even in my dreams I can't forget

Those places where we as lovers used to meet,

I will keep lamenting the loss of my love

Sitting under the shade of those very trees.

As long as my eyes are able to shed tears darling

I will not stop crying for you, believe me,

I accept it as my fate to keep trying to coax you endlessly

Even as you stay upset with me.

Listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpgNdl4B0TU

I love the work I do!

I love the work I do. It brings me in contact with smart good people who I would otherwise never have a chance to interact with. It gives me a peek into the lives of people who want to learn what I have to teach, even without meeting them ever. It shows me that I am as good as the people I work with, regardless of the color of our skins. It makes me a world citizen even as I sit alone in front of my computer in my small village.

I love the work I do. It makes me stretch my limits to beyond what I would think possible. It awakens me to the power of the human mind, which can go deeper and deeper into something that seemed insurmountable at one point. It scares me and challenges me and then delights me. It shows me that there is scope of growth and improvement at any age. It makes me a more capable person even as I sit alone in front of my computer in my small village.

I love the work I do. It allows me to manage my life the way I want to. I wake up when I want to (err 4 am?), serve my family when I want to, play when I want to, and create when I want to. It allows me to act and grow without the shackles of power and politics. It makes me a wholesome person even as I sit alone in front of my computer in my small village.

And yes, it gives me money to be a little flippant, pamper my friends and family, employ who I need and travel to my heart's content. It makes me a more indulgent person even as I sit alone in front of my computer in my small village.

This is why I love the work I do. 

I didn't love me

I didn't love me
Till you loved me
Artlessly.

I didn't see myself
Till you saw me
Without judgment.

I was broken
Till you told me
I was perfect.

I didn't accept me
Till you accepted me as I was
Scars and all.

This body was senseless
Till you brought it to senses
With your senses.

I didn't trust me
Till you loved me
Doubtlessly.

Inspired by this article: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/27/opinion/nothing-is-wrong-with-your-sex-drive.html?smid=fb-share