The Birthday Party

I wrote this piece upon Aloka's English teacher's request. She wanted to show Aloka how two people can write very different descriptions of the same event. 

Aloka turned 18 in October. I can say with certainty that I have organized 18 birthday parties for her. And perhaps four or five for my mother since we returned to India to live with her. And another 10 or more for my son before that. And several more for my dear friend Sonika and even other friends. It is expected in my family- and friend-circles that a birthday party means Puja will organize it. It’s a given.

​​So, this year, when Aloka suggested that she would organize my birthday bash, I was both honoured and scared!

​​Honoured because I didn't think my birthday was that important to her. Scared because I know it is hard work that requires extreme attention to detail to customize it to the occasion. What if the end result doesn’t meet my expectations?

​I gave in because Aloka was now an adult according to a well-known but dubious benchmark of adulthood and was itching to do something serious with the badge. Also, as a mother, it is my job to build her confidence and allow her to take some risks in a safe environment. 

Over the next few days, I dropped some hints about faraway friends I would like to hear from and those I would like to seen on the day. I also mentioned a song I loved, hoping Aloka would get the hint and sing it for me.

The party itself was not a surprise in the true sense of the word because I knew it was happening, but the nitty gritty was unknown to me. Mostly that is. I was tasked with readying a treasure hunt because it was my forte and truly, no one else could do it. Other than that, I was hands off.

Though I did feel a bit left out when I heard Aloka and Sonika whispering to each other or stepping out to go someplace, I kept a dignified front. I focused instead on what I would wear, something I couldn’t care less about on any other day. I even went shopping for clothes a couple of days before the party, something I never do in Dharamshala. All my shopping is usually done if we are in a department store in a foreign land because only they seem to accept that people of my size exist and need good clothes. 

On the D-day, I took time to get dressed and even allowed Aloka to put eye makeup for me, something I normally would refuse vehemently. I chose jewellery carefully, feeling like a social butterfly, which I am anything but. Following Aloka’s clear instructions, I walked downstairs only after I heard some voices, quite unlike what I am used to doing- ushering people in and greeting them at the gate. In short, I totally accepted the role I was being given, that of the queen of Firmly Rooted.

What transpired after that was magical and dreamy, so much so that I don’t recollect the order of events clearly. I remember each of my friends talking about how they met me, or what they like about me. It seemed Aloka had included this requirement in her invitation message to all of them. Normally, faced with compliments, I would change the topic quickly or transfer the attention to others, but the setup didn’t allow that. For over thirty minutes, I heard people say nice things about me and recount events that I never thought they would remember. At the very last of this sharing, Aloka set up her mike and background music, and sang my favourite song so melodiously that it seemed to enter each cell of my body and resonate there.

Somewhere in between, Treasure Hunt had happened, causing a lot of excitement in the guests and a whole lot of chaos in the house. People I considered wallflowers were suddenly leading the show and the confident ones looked lost. Mummy and Mallika, who happened to be two clues themselves, were acting very pricey, making the teams work hard to get the chits. Aloka was also in great demand because she knew what the clues meant. Later, once the game was over, someone came to me to praise the poetry of the treasure hunt clues. It was a first, because children, for whom I usually make the clues, don’t notice such things.

The highlight for me was the video compilation, which included videos from my sweet students laughing and recalling classes and activities done with us over the last few years. How I love and cherish these little innocent human beings! All of them said their favourite activities were the dances I taught- so much for the effort we put in Phonics! There were also videos from my friends from Chennai, Singapore, Brussels and Canada, recalling their memories of our friendship spanning decades and wishing me the best.

Watching the videos, I realised how much effort would have gone into getting them shot and compiled, and getting folks to send their videos. It also explained the strange vanishings of Aloka and Sonika in the middle of the days the last couple of weeks!

I realised that snacks were being passed around and drinks served, without my involvement. It was very refreshing (pun unintended) and freeing that I didn’t have be in and out of the kitchen to make it happen. Someone else was doing the running around, while looking cool as a cucumber! Likewise, the lunch went smoothly and everyone was taken care of by Aloka, Sonika and Mallika, in that order. All I had to do was to chat with my friends and eat!

The cake! What can I say about the cake? It was a representation of my favourite mountain top, Jhatingri, painted on my favourite canvas- food! Not only was it unique looking, with tiny huts and animals and trees and fields, it tasted divine. How much thought and love would have gone into designing and making it!

How the dance started, I don’t really recall. But first my dance group of Aloka, Aradhya, Jahan, Kittu and Vanshika and, of course I, showed off our line dances. Then everyone joined in and the living room was a mad house with teens and octogenarians, and all ages in between, dancing with each other. 

The day ended slowly, with people trickling out as and when they had to. There was no hard stop to the party. There was no hard stop either to my feeling of being loved, honoured and cherished by my friends and mostly by my all-grown-up daughter!

Though I didn’t go into this celebration with a desire to feel special, I have never felt more special than I did on my birthday in 2025!

 

 

A Day in the Life of...

I woke up while it was still dark. I had volunteered to cook for the family today. I hated getting out of the warm bed, but it had to be done. Mummy needed to rest. She had been in so much pain last night.

I saw Anuj sleeping soundly in his bed. I hadn't seen him at dinner last night. He must have to come in after I was already fast asleep. This was the third night in a row when he hadn't eaten dinner with us. It was for some planning he had to do with his friends for a college festival, he said. As usual, everyone believed whatever he said, and no one questioned his decisions. 

But when it came to me, everyone became hyper vigilant. I wasn't even allowed to stay back at Rohini's to prepare for an exam last month. This is when they know Rohini and her family so well. I had literally begged mummy, but to no avail. Anuj had stood by quietly ignoring me when I was pleading my case. I promised myself I will never forget his "support"! Things had not been the same between us after that incident. 

I entered the freezing kitchen as quietly as I could and spent the next hour making everyone's breakfast and lunch. Before getting ready for college, I peeped inside mummy's room to make sure she was okay. I couldn't see her face, but it seemed she was sleeping soundly. 

The bus was late! I hated being late, but what could I do? The only saving grace was that eight other students from my class took the same bus, so I would not be the only one in trouble with Mahajan sir. Thank God! 

I met Rohini at our usual spot under the tree and we rushed to the class together. Mahajan sir was himself late, so we were spared the lecture about discipline and punctuality. I couldn't help but notice that he didn't apologise for his late arrival. All the rules are meant only for us students, it seems! 

Later, Rohini and I sat together and had our lunch. I told her about Anuj and his late evening meetings. She agreed with me that he could just be partying with his friends in the name of planning. Boys were like that, always misusing their freedom. I felt good knowing that  there was at least one person who had the same misgivings about him as I. 

She then told me a naughty joke she had heard from her bus mates. I laughed so hard that a few students turned around to look at me. I suddenly became aware of how I sounded and wished I could be more sophisticated, like Shanaya!  

Talk of the devil. Shanaya was walking out of the canteen and coming towards us. Dressed in a flowy kurta and loose pants, with a duppata thrown casually over her shoulders, she was a picture of elegance. As always, there was a retinue of two to three minions walking behind her. Proper princess! 

Rohini stood up. That was the reaction of most people when Shanaya walked by. But not me. I had more dignity than that. She may be the resident beauty queen, but she was no better than the rest of us in every other way. She was certainly no better than me in academics. Hadn't I topped the class twice in a row? 

I pulled Rohini down and tried to distract her. Just then, to my surprise, Shanaya addressed me directly. She asked if Anuj from the boys' college was my brother. When I said yes, she gave me a sickly sweet smile and asked me to give him a message. 

A message? To Anuj? From the princess? For a moment, I was disoriented.  

She then told me to ask Anuj to move the fashion show to the afternoon of the 14th. It was scheduled for the morning of 14th, but she was busy in the morning. Thus the request! 

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. What was she trying to say? That the fashion show couldn't or shouldn't proceed without Her Majesty? 

She then added that it was important that I convey the message to Anuj today itself because the finalised schedule was to be posted first thing tomorrow. 

I nodded despite myself, though later it would occur to me that it was just like her to ask the world to adjust according to her convenience.

After she left, I looked awkwardly at Rohini. Anuj wasn't partying after all. He was actually busy with festival planning! I had let my anger and hurt cloud my judgment about him. 

When I reached home, I saw to my delight that mummy was up and about. She told me that she had been to the doctor and was feeling better after taking the medication. Then she thanked me for helping her out this morning. I couldn't say anything. I hugged her tightly, wiping my eyes dry on her shoulders. 

That night, I stayed up till late so I could talk to Anuj. It was almost midnight when he returned home. I asked him about the schedule of the festival. He looked surprised but was quick to share with me the detailed schedule. He also talked about the efforts they were making to make the festival different and special. His excitement was infectious. He was especially kicked about the elaborate runway being set up for the fashion show on the 14th morning. 

He then suggested that I, the nerdiest nerd, should participate in the Scrabble and Boggle competitions that were to be held in the afternoon on the 14th, soon after the fashion show. 

Of course I agreed. I agreed immediately! 

I wrote this story as a proof to young people (my students of Nishtha and BSA) that we all feel multiple emotions each day- we are just not paying attention to them. An increased emotional vocabulary often means an increased control on reactions to emotions.

It never ceases to surprise me that most of my students are totally unaware of emotional vocabulary beyong Happy, Sad and Angry. In this story, students recognize these emotions: Frustration/annoyance, Compassion, Irritation, Relief, Contentment, Joy, Embarrassment, Regret, Envy, Arrogance, Guilt, Relief, Excitement.