The Birthday Party

I wrote this piece upon Aloka's English teacher's request. She wanted to show Aloka how two people can write very different descriptions of the same event. 

Aloka turned 18 in October. I can say with certainty that I have organized 18 birthday parties for her. And perhaps four or five for my mother since we returned to India to live with her. And another 10 or more for my son before that. And several more for my dear friend Sonika and even other friends. It is expected in my family- and friend-circles that a birthday party means Puja will organize it. It’s a given.

​​So, this year, when Aloka suggested that she would organize my birthday bash, I was both honoured and scared!

​​Honoured because I didn't think my birthday was that important to her. Scared because I know it is hard work that requires extreme attention to detail to customize it to the occasion. What if the end result doesn’t meet my expectations?

​I gave in because Aloka was now an adult according to a well-known but dubious benchmark of adulthood and was itching to do something serious with the badge. Also, as a mother, it is my job to build her confidence and allow her to take some risks in a safe environment. 

Over the next few days, I dropped some hints about faraway friends I would like to hear from and those I would like to seen on the day. I also mentioned a song I loved, hoping Aloka would get the hint and sing it for me.

The party itself was not a surprise in the true sense of the word because I knew it was happening, but the nitty gritty was unknown to me. Mostly that is. I was tasked with readying a treasure hunt because it was my forte and truly, no one else could do it. Other than that, I was hands off.

Though I did feel a bit left out when I heard Aloka and Sonika whispering to each other or stepping out to go someplace, I kept a dignified front. I focused instead on what I would wear, something I couldn’t care less about on any other day. I even went shopping for clothes a couple of days before the party, something I never do in Dharamshala. All my shopping is usually done if we are in a department store in a foreign land because only they seem to accept that people of my size exist and need good clothes. 

On the D-day, I took time to get dressed and even allowed Aloka to put eye makeup for me, something I normally would refuse vehemently. I chose jewellery carefully, feeling like a social butterfly, which I am anything but. Following Aloka’s clear instructions, I walked downstairs only after I heard some voices, quite unlike what I am used to doing- ushering people in and greeting them at the gate. In short, I totally accepted the role I was being given, that of the queen of Firmly Rooted.

What transpired after that was magical and dreamy, so much so that I don’t recollect the order of events clearly. I remember each of my friends talking about how they met me, or what they like about me. It seemed Aloka had included this requirement in her invitation message to all of them. Normally, faced with compliments, I would change the topic quickly or transfer the attention to others, but the setup didn’t allow that. For over thirty minutes, I heard people say nice things about me and recount events that I never thought they would remember. At the very last of this sharing, Aloka set up her mike and background music, and sang my favourite song so melodiously that it seemed to enter each cell of my body and resonate there.

Somewhere in between, Treasure Hunt had happened, causing a lot of excitement in the guests and a whole lot of chaos in the house. People I considered wallflowers were suddenly leading the show and the confident ones looked lost. Mummy and Mallika, who happened to be two clues themselves, were acting very pricey, making the teams work hard to get the chits. Aloka was also in great demand because she knew what the clues meant. Later, once the game was over, someone came to me to praise the poetry of the treasure hunt clues. It was a first, because children, for whom I usually make the clues, don’t notice such things.

The highlight for me was the video compilation, which included videos from my sweet students laughing and recalling classes and activities done with us over the last few years. How I love and cherish these little innocent human beings! All of them said their favourite activities were the dances I taught- so much for the effort we put in Phonics! There were also videos from my friends from Chennai, Singapore, Brussels and Canada, recalling their memories of our friendship spanning decades and wishing me the best.

Watching the videos, I realised how much effort would have gone into getting them shot and compiled, and getting folks to send their videos. It also explained the strange vanishings of Aloka and Sonika in the middle of the days the last couple of weeks!

I realised that snacks were being passed around and drinks served, without my involvement. It was very refreshing (pun unintended) and freeing that I didn’t have be in and out of the kitchen to make it happen. Someone else was doing the running around, while looking cool as a cucumber! Likewise, the lunch went smoothly and everyone was taken care of by Aloka, Sonika and Mallika, in that order. All I had to do was to chat with my friends and eat!

The cake! What can I say about the cake? It was a representation of my favourite mountain top, Jhatingri, painted on my favourite canvas- food! Not only was it unique looking, with tiny huts and animals and trees and fields, it tasted divine. How much thought and love would have gone into designing and making it!

How the dance started, I don’t really recall. But first my dance group of Aloka, Aradhya, Jahan, Kittu and Vanshika and, of course I, showed off our line dances. Then everyone joined in and the living room was a mad house with teens and octogenarians, and all ages in between, dancing with each other. 

The day ended slowly, with people trickling out as and when they had to. There was no hard stop to the party. There was no hard stop either to my feeling of being loved, honoured and cherished by my friends and mostly by my all-grown-up daughter!

Though I didn’t go into this celebration with a desire to feel special, I have never felt more special than I did on my birthday in 2025!